What day is it?

I have no idea what my problem is, but I cannot keep my days straight this week, have been crazy, crazy busy.

What constitutes a hobby? Defining it in my own words, I would say that a hobby is something that is enjoyable, productive (that's totally subjective), and something that one does when time allows or when they are trying to wind down. When I take a good, honest look at myself, I do not have many hobbies... Or maybe I do. Maybe I should just make a solid effort to spend more time doing those things, and trying out some new things.

My list of hobbies is short, but includes reading (this is what I usually do for fun), cleaning, talking on the phone to a certain best friend that will remain nameless to protect her privacy, listening to classical music and books on compact disc in my car (I have a substantial commute), spending time with my kids... taking them to the library, park (weather permitting), generally nurturing them. I am trying to be the very best mom that I can be. It is trying at times, sometimes more than others (especially because now when it is my turn with the kids, it is just me... don't get me wrong, my family helps me TREMENDOUSLY. I don't know what I would do without them).

When I read back on that, it sounds like maybe I am just a busy, working mom of two toddlers. I am going through a divorce. My world fell apart and I am gathering the pieces, finally getting them put back together... maybe I shouldn't be so hard on myself. Hobbies or not, I feel as though I am constantly running.

I will consider making a better effort to relax my body and my mind, for now, that is my new "hobby..."

Today was one of my "days off." I place those words in quotation marks, because on almost every day away from my retail management job, I am earning additional money, by cleaning houses. I have several houses that I clean on a regular basis. I am one of those people who find cleaning to be therapeutic, so I figure, "why not?"

Today I visited and cleaned for two different households. The second house belonged to some of my favorite people, ever. I have been working for them for almost two years, and they have become family to me. I LOVE them. They are liberal, not afraid to be that way, and have embraced me as if I were their daughter.

I get the kids back on Friday, and I am very much looking forward to it. They will get to spend time with Kenzie; I just know Laica will be stoked! I have been considering joining the Y, or a fitness club with a pool... I don't know, would be nice to have something to do with the kids for the remainder of the winter... They would love getting to swim.. just a thought, something I will certainly be checking into.

I am looking forward to the next couple of months. I know that I will be confronted with many more trying situations, but I have a good feeling about the future. The kids will start attending daycare early next week. For a short time, they went to one during their time with their dad, and they loved it. I think that they will both be very excited. We have a lot of changes that will be implemented in the next couple of months, but I am looking forward to a fresh start. A new period of my life has started, and I am ready.

We live, we learn, we get on with our lives. It takes time, for some it takes a lot of time... Regardless, life will go on whether or not I choose to. I could be sad, stay in the past, feel inadequate... Or, I could remember who I was, re-discover what I enjoy, allow myself to be loved. I crave comfort. I need stability. Good things are happening, fingers crossed that it continues.
I have arrived at the end of a long day... I think that a bath, then possibly some hot chocolate are calling my name.... Time to relax.

hello, my name is...

Quiet night... Cleaning done, all house members are asleep (or close to it)... Lately I have been doing some deep thinking, a little soul-searching, if you will. The question that has been nagging at me is, "Who am I? Where did Brooke go?"

I am sure that many mothers go through the same thing, but it has proven to be a tough issue for me to tackle. For the last 4 years, I have been in full-force Mommy Mode. Now that our family situation has changed, I have more time to myself to think... maybe too much time to think. I struggle with getting out of my head, and I worry and stress about a lot of different things.

While questioning who I am, who I have become, who I would like to become, I usually list the things that I used to have a strong interest in. Art, photography, spending time outdoors (camping and such), going to see live music... I still do some of these things from time to time, but where I have trouble is being motivated to do these things.

I know that hearts take time to heal, but I am starting to feel more like a whole person. I have been broken for too long, and it is time to take control of my life and make it what I want it to be.

I am trying. I am going to get it all figured out. I have two amazing children that keep me going; and I have some of the best friends a person could ask for... they make for an amazing support system, and manage to keep me level-headed on the bad days.

This post was just a random thought, I will probably be using this blog as a journal... I am so happy that it is a new year. I can't wait to read back through this in a year and see how much better things have gotten.

:)

I'm back!

The last several months have been full of surprises, heartbreak, adjustments, and many ups and downs. I am very happy to say that after spending almost two years as a stay at home mom, I am back to work! It is going great.

I am beyond blessed to have been given so much time with my children during such an imperative time of their lives. It was a period in my life that I will be forever thankful for.

That being said, the kids are doing absolutely FANTASTIC! They are spending half of the time with their dad, the other half with me. Our situation has been trying at times, but all parties involved are adjusting to this new way of life and doing our best to move forward.

A dear friend of mine found the camera (my good one!!) that has been missing for about two years... so, many, many pictures to come, I promise. The kids are growing like crazy, and Laica is my sweet little chatterbox, she never stops talking. Love it!

I hope to keep up with my new blog. New year, new blog, new life... I've got this.

On a side note, I rescued Kenzie (my sweetie, white, red-nosed pit bull)... Finding her was my New Year's miracle. Pictures of her to come, too. Until next time...